Hey there,
Yesterday, Kyle and I celebrated twenty-one years of marriage. Hopefully weāre only a third of the way through (at minimum), but boy howdy have we grown a lot in these two decades. Iām grateful for the grace that covers us when a wedding is essentially two kids at an altar making lifelong vows they have no idea how hard they will be to fulfill. Here are five quick things Iāve re-learned, yet again, this past year in our marriage:
Marriage isnāt 50/50, itās 100/100. We have to bring our entire selves to each other and let our vowed commitment refine us into more of who weāre meant to be.
Let the other person be who they are. I remember our pre-marital counselors telling us, āWomen often go into the marriage thinking of all the ways she hopes the man will change. Men go into the marriage thinking of all the ways he hopes the woman will stay the same.ā But we do change, and we do stay the same. Itās not our job to decide how that happens for the other person.
Itās not just quality time, itās also quantity time. Some of my favorite moments from this past year have been our daily walks and our weekly morning coffee dates.
Be about more than the kids. We have had a lot (a lot a lot) of conversations about our kids this year, and thatās fine; there are seasons when thatās warranted. But we also need to remember to talk about other things: our hobbies, the funny thing we heard on a podcast, what weāre learning.
We need other people to make our marriage even better. I need my friendships, Kyle needs his friendships; I need a mentor, he needs a mentor. We canāt depend on each other to be all the types of relationships a person needsāwe need to be each otherās spouses. Thatās a beautiful, beautiful thing. Weāre made for community.
Onward to the other, actual 5 Quick Things!
5 Quick Things āļø
1.Ā Earlier this week I wrote a shorter installment of my series Lex Orandi, this one on a subtler, but just as eye-opening, realization I had during my discernment journey toward the Catholic Church. (A reminder: this series is free but opt-in, so if youād like these monthly-ish essays, adjust your account settingsāhereās a visual).
2. You may have seen that recent viral video of a Gen-Zer crying about the trials of working a 9-to-5 job. Like
, I felt more pity than disdain at her realization, because yesāwe were, in fact, made for more than that (even though hard work is good and we must all go through seasons of enduring something weād rather not endure): āDespite the scorn they get, theyāre not actually oblivious or unthinking: they know something is deeply wrong. But they have been deprived of the moral concepts, and tacitly forbidden from making the moral judgments, that would allow them to articulate who they are and what they want.ā3. In honor of Allhallowtide this week, we get a treat: a short story from
! āThe gravestones have always reminded me of the little tabs in a spring garden that say things like ācarrotsā or ālettuce,ā proclaiming, rather remarkably, that from the ash black soil, tender life will soon shoot up. It is remarkable, really. Every year, come Eastertide, from seeds locked in their little death chambers, deep in the cold dark ground, green shoots peek out of the earth, tender and small, and very, very alive. But these markers are not for carrots, they are for people.ā4.Ā What a beautiful, lyrical journey
took us on with an essay reflecting on a simple walk through glimpses of beauty seen through a glass darkly... Come for the photos, stay for the words: āThe familiar gets passed over these days. Iām as guilty as any. Novelty is endlessly inviting, endlessly exciting. And Iām not denying its goodness - the role of travel and new places, new faces, all that. But to love something, to really, really know something, there has to be that knee deep, days-in-days-out, being.ā5. And finally, here are eleven Great Depression-era habits coming back in style. (I hesitate with the second one because my grandma took it too far, but I completely agree with the spirit of the habit.)
Currently Reading, Watching, Listening š
Timeless: A History of the Catholic Church, by Steve Weidenkopf
Quotable š¬
āDo not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.ā
- Epicurus
What's the worst Halloween candy? š¬
I actually have a kid whose favorite candy is Tootsie Rolls, and I actually have a husband whose favorite candy is Necco Wafers. ...I apparently live in an alternate-universe household. As for me, I'm not much of a candy person at allāgive me a brownie or ice cream any dayābut I'm definitely not Team Twizzlers. Those things taste like rolled-up plastic sheets of Red Dye no. 40.
Good & Plenty: 25.6%
Necco Wafers: 22.9%
Candy Corn: 21.8%
Licorice: 11.1%
Tootsie Rolls: 10.1%
Smarties: 8.5%
Find this weekās poll here.
Quick Links š
š¬š· Join Me in Greece: June 20-30, 2024
Question(s) For You to Ponderā¦ š¤
What three small things am I grateful for?
Have a great weekend,
- Tsh
p.s. George Washingtonās dream for America. (Nate Bargatze on SNL!)
"Marriage isnāt 50/50, itās 100/100." This is really insightful. Will be pondering this!!
Oh my gosh, my husband and I just celebrated out 15th anniversary on November 1st! Happy anniversary to you both. Totally agree with everything you listed here.