aka, become a "member" of my "tribe"
Did we ever pick a day for book club? My local book club is full of people that are too nervous to get together and talk, so I have enjoyed yours and also another zoom book club I have been participating in.
I also find myself staying away from online “communities” to spend time with the actual people in my life. Having said that, it remains on my bucket list to meet you in person some day, and I always look forward to your posts and the podcast conversations.
Haha I love the irony and I love your perspective here which is needed. The more I lean into my actual real life community, the healthier I feel in every way. Hope that you might consider hosting another meet up! I had been hoping to make Italy but a sailing trip in Maine is calling…
Yes! I've felt for a long time very icky about the way "community" is tossed around so lightly. Not because I don't believe that it's possible online, but because it diminishes what community is in reality and what it is meant to be as the ideal. With so much online and how gross the meta verse sounds, people are genuinely going to forget or have no first hand experience of genuine community in real life. Genuine community that involves being around people whom you do not 100% agree and still getting along! Genuine community that involves annoying work and time commitments that scrolling never requires of us! Kind of like so many teenagers don't really speak to each other when they hang out - they're just all on their phones snap chatting each other while being in the same room! I could diatribe about this for a long time, but I think so much of what you're saying is so very true in lived experience and that the consequences to our humanity if we keep thinking all this is fine is very disturbing.
Such great perspective, Tsh. I've felt this way for years and feel like most "leaders" aren't encouraging in-person relationships over online communities. It feels like a scarcity mindset issue, and the pandemic certainly didn't help.
A related aside: I wasn't using Instagram much lately, but last week I was simplifying by unfollowing some accounts/leaving some "communities" and my account was suddenly deactivated (I can only assume for mass unfollowing, since it mimics bot behavior, I suppose.) I don't really miss scrolling or posting on it much, although I'm upset with Instagram. That experience along with your words today makes me wonder happens when we "lose" our online "communities" because they're simply subject to others' rules? What if that was all the community I had? Even without a profile now, I'm still a person with a real, in-person community, and it's enough for me. (Oh, and Substack threads and newsletters.)
Yes to all of this! I have read frequently from creators how much they love their community and have been perplexed as to what that meant. Were other followers connecting with this person in a more personal way? Are they “all” getting together and chatting?? I feel so left out!
Even with A Drink With a Friend I have often wanted to be in the room with the conversation because I had questions! (Or what I was sure was a very salient point). And I’ve never figured out where listeners might be chatting about it online- the substack never had much in the way of comments. (I haven’t tried too hard to figure that out)
I love the question idea to help move people into deeper conversation. Now I’m going to get on Facebook and see if anyone else I know is listening to you guys or wants to start- thanks Internet.
I loved the honesty here, Tsh, and I absolutely respect your integrity. There's such a tension in trying to maintain a healthy online presence, and I can only imagine how much tighter it is when you do have a following, so to speak. You're a great model in this. I have cut most social media out of my life, and I find myself missing certain things that I stunk at regulating, and knowing I'm better and healthier without them. I would love to meet you in real life one day, though. Thank you, sincerely, for all that you do!
As always Tsh, you’ve hit the nail on the head. I’ve just helped start a group on FB that’s grown to needing discord for the chat but it stills misses something. We’re scattered across the UK but I really want to host a physical event. While we’re all in a pandemic with cautious people, it’s group zooms that will have to do. One day though I want that group of gorgeous people in one room!
I often find that I don't have the capacity to listen to podcasts because I like a lot of quiet and I want to make sure I save my listening/conversation capacity for in-person people.