5 Quick Things #410 💍

lessons learned in, community in, hospitality in, & the most important part in ...marriage

Hi there,

It’s Wedding Week around here! As you’re reading this I’ve already written these words several days prior, and I’m happy to report that I’m feeling surprisingly calm and less busy than I’ve been in several weeks… It feels like we’re now just plugging-and-playing all the planning we’ve been doing for months, and simply letting All The Things happen, come what may.

I’m naturally channeling all my focus and emotional energy right now on, you know, my oldest and only daughter getting married 🤯, so this will be short and sweet. Onward!

Merchant Wedding, by Boris Kustodiev (1917) #

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5 Quick Things ☕️

1. Several years ago in celebration of our anniversary I wrote a list of nine lessons learned in marriage—though I wish I had more time to write a fresh list, I honestly wouldn’t disagree with anything I said several years ago. …So if you missed it the first time, hopefully it’s an encouragement to you, and if you read it back then, well, perhaps it’s worth a re-read: “Don’t keep account of wrongs. Notice the good things—how that one color t-shirt looks good on him, how he always drags the trash cans to the curb on Monday nights, that he’s inordinately kind on the phone to that one high-maintenance client of his—and then tell him so. Say a thousand more encouraging things than the tens of issues you may have with him.”

2. A few years ago I also had a podcast conversation with one of my favorite local friends (whom we first met on one of our pilgrimages!), and he and his wife are some of Tate’s favorite people, too. Rick Reynolds is a marriage therapist specializing in infidelity, which I know is a weird thing to bring up, but this conversation was actually super encouraging and uplifting for marriage in general. He’s got great advice.

3. Joy Marie Clarkson ☀️ wrote lovely words about why weddings are a communal celebration, not a private affair—this idea has been on my mind for months now as we’ve planned this thing that has sometimes often felt a bit… overwhelming. She hits on so many points I wish I had more time to write myself, so instead, I’ll let her say the words for me: “A wedding is a couples first ‘official’ act of hospitality. There is something wonderful about the way a wedding may display the distinctive character of each couple’s relationship, the qualities and strengths their union will bring to the world.”

4. A few years ago, Edward and Beth Sri recorded a great conversation with Fr. Mike Schmitz on marriage. It was at a college conference, but the focus is still on the nitty-gritty mess of marriage, which I really appreciated—I think it’s an encouragement for all of us. The above is part one; here’s part two.

5. And finally, what’s the most important part of the wedding ceremony? This is a solid answer.

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Currently Reading, Watching, Listening 📺

Remarkably Bright Creatures on Netflix (as someone who loved the novel when it first came out a few years ago, I was pleasantly surprised by this adaptation!)

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Quotable 💬

“In the twilight of life, we will be judged on love alone.”

-St. John of the Cross

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Whatever your state in life, which quote best describes marriage to you? 🪢

I’m honestly not sure if I could pick a definitive answer here, since I like all these quotes. …So for right now, as I’m writing this, I’ll go with Schubert’s ‘true friend’ idea. Yes and amen—this has definitely been the case with Kyle and me.

• “A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.” -Anonymous: 38.2%

• “Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery: 17.6%

• “Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.” -Franz Schubert: 15.2%

• “The art of love is largely the art of persistence.” -Albert Ellis: 10.8%

• “Mature love has a bliss not even imagined by newlyweds.” -Boyd K. Packer: 10%

• “If I get married, I want to be very married.” -Audrey Hepburn: 5.2%

• “The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.” -Peter de Vries: 2.8%

Find the next poll here.

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Historic Highlands: Join Our 2026 Scottish Pilgrimage! 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Travel is one of the most formational activities we can do on earth; one of the few that, for the most part, is worth the money spent—that’s been the case with pilgrimages for me, and it’s one of the reasons I love leading them.

Consider joining my family and me (along with some new kindred spirits) in Scotland this summer! We’ll walk through the rugged highlands, wander through the halls of medieval castles, and more. You won’t regret it.

“There is no other place like Scotland in the whole world.” - Sir Walter Scott

Edinburgh, the Isle of Skye, St. Andrews, the Highland Games, and more… We’d love you to join us!

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Quick Links 🔗

• 📐 Create your own Rule of Life

• 🎧 Listen to A Drink With a Friend

• 📖 Read my books

• 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 Join the next pilgrimage: Scotland!

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Question(s) For You to Ponder… 🤔

What small thing are you grateful for this exact second you’re reading this? (pause right now and name it to yourself)

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Have a good weekend,

- Tsh

p.s. - Seeing as most of Tate’s wedding attendees will be non-Catholic, here’s a friendly list of what not to do at a Catholic wedding. Our programs have a lot of written explainers so that our friends and family know that all the “things” aren’t just random (they all have a purpose!), but these are still good thoughts. …With a caveat.¹

1. The caveat: They name a few things that aren’t in a Catholic wedding—but they actually are in an Ordinariate Catholic wedding, which Tate’s will be, since our family is canonical members of this ‘diocese’.