I left social media in early ‘21 (which was meant to be permanent) but the worry about platform pulled me back. I left again for good early this year and I don’t miss it one single bit. My mental health was getting so bad. I have OCD, so Instagram triggered all of my compulsive checking behaviors. Now I’m focused on writing my new book, creating on Substack, and enjoying the renewed quiet in my mind. It’s delightful ❤️. Also, THANK YOU for the info about how to download your data and mass delete posts! Such a big help!
I just wanted to make it a clean break and not have that digital paper trail online at all! It was my way of telling others + myself that I was serious about leaving, and not just *saying* I was leaving but really popping back on here and there. I suppose it's not essential, but doing so really does make it real.
Oh this was just what I needed to read Tsh! Thank you for your candor. I deleted both FB and IG last month. I find it staggering how much time and mental space it has freed up. I don't miss the platforms in the least.
Now I am becoming aware of a new habit: checking the news and other sites just to scratch that former itch, and it has been really eye-opening. Definitely a work in progress, but oh I have read some great books this month!
Oh yes, it's interesting how our default human response is to replace one habit with another. ...Which is a clear indicator we HAVE to develop good habits for any of this to work! This is why one helpful thing to do when deleting an addictive app is to always bring a paper book with you.
So, you are not on FB either I guess? I have been slowly stopping my posts on IG or FB --as it took so much time and agonizing over what to post in the way of pics and words, but love this post that re-thinks the time that's spent mindlessly scrolling...
I had trouble with social media (Facebook) and the green-eyed monster, envy, too. And it made me very judgmental ("this person is Christian and is spending money on that!" went through my mind too many times). So I deleted Facebook and joined Instagram but only follow close family members and creators that I admire, most of them not particularly well-known, (writers, artists, place makers, and advocates for the natural world and the common good). That's helped enormously. I look at the postings, for the most part, with goodwill and good cheer.
I became a paid subscriber to read this and it was worth it 😅 you've convicted me Tsh! I've done plenty of months long cleanses and then come back on and it becomes as habitual and addictive as ever. I feel like I need to do a full delete or not at all. The halfway approaches just don't work for me.
I have two small children and I'm always harping on how I want a tech lite childhood for them... Shouldn't I be living by own convictions??
My only hesitations are the inevitable isolation I sometimes feel with a 2 year old and a 4 month old.. Instagram has always been a guaranteed dopamine hit. But I'm also growing more and more uncomfortable with having my kids out there as 'content ' (even when the urge to share their adorableness gets the better of me).
As someone who hopes to grow their podcast, continue writing, maybe even write a book, I'm also encouraged that it can be done without the social media stats everyone is chasing.
The point is we only get one life here. How much of it have I already given over to this silly phone app? Enough is enough!
"The point is we only get one life here. How much of it have I already given over to this silly phone app?" You summed it up well with this statement, Katie! I can't imagine any of us on our deathbeds thinking, "I wish I spent more time on my phone."
Thank you for sharing, Tsh. As a Gellenial (‘97 baby), I grew up without social media while also growing up with it. 🤪 My husband and I were just debating social media as I received this in my inbox (of course).
One question I have for you if you have the time: What do you think about the usage of social media for religious media, say WOF? I have major FOMO when it comes to discovering new *good* products/content on social media.
Sorry, mostly the former, but a little bit of both. More clearly, in your opinion, is it just to have ministry on social media or would our culture be better off if ministry only used non-social media means? I would have to exclude YouTube here.
It's hard to say, and I've heard plenty of ministries really struggle with this decision. I see ministries use social media well — Word on Fire comes to mind — as a place of beauty in dark places. There's something to be said about the idea of going where the people are, and about social media being our modern-day town squares a la St. Paul in Athens. I'm torn on the issue, TBH.
I loved reading this! I recently left social media as well and my brain feels so much calmer and I have less anxiety for sure.
It’s also made me more hospitable-I’m inviting people into my home more because I don’t have the “illusion” of connectedness anymore and understand that it takes actual real life effort to be truly connected and in relationship with someone.
I got my first paid subscriber this last week and just rolled it over to your newsletter :) Thank you, thank you for this post. I took a break from IG in January and made the connection that the way I interact with and feel after using IG closely mirrors the hangover and insecurities caused by narcissistic abuse. The algorithm, the way it’s set up to be unpredictable and the ability to be erased or hidden, it’s all so consuming and then chews you up and spits you out....I wrote a post about it then, but went back on after my break. I do think it was the beginning of the end to name how destructive it felt. I have a lot of feelings about getting off. I told my husband last night that I felt that deleting it would force me to reckon with how lonely I actually often feel and the lack of IRL community. I’m doing my best to take note of the people for whom IG is my only point of connection and get a backup. I will probably still keep FB for now, just because it’s annoying and not as much of a draw. The final tipping point was listening to my husband’s truthful observations about how much it is impacting my mental health (and also thinking about how much my kids see me on my phone and how incapable I seem to be of moderation). I suppose all this is a long winded way to say thank you for the encouragement, especially in the writing realm.
You're so welcome, Annelise, and you're definitely not alone — IG made me feel infinitely lonelier than I feel now, it really affected my mental health, and yes, the slave of the algorithm... I could go on and on.
And I'm so honored to have you here! Best wishes on growing your own readership. Send us something of yours here in the comments for us to read. 😊
Thank you for that invitation! This was the post that marked the beginning of the end. I wrote it almost 6 months ago and it’s only gotten more true since.
Oh I so relate to this. I thought I needed IG to build an audience of readers because I’m an author. But honestly, my audience numbers haven’t grown much and I too often compare myself to the popular authors in my genre, which just makes me feel terribly insecure. So it is reassuring to read that you say you don’t need IG or Facebook to build your Substack audience?
I get this! The comparison game is SO real. Keeping my ears out of the noise really does help me just do my thing and not sweat what others are doing. IG really messed with my mind and creativity in this way.
I fasted from social media last year and this year during Lent (while reading Bitter and Sweet!) which led me to deleting Instagram completely this year. No regrets here whatsoever! And a huge plus is reading so much more, which is something I'll never regret.
I think I’m in the partial solution space for a while for IG. I abstained for Lent (not the first time of taking a break) and that was enough to show me how much it had been an unhealthy and obsessive time filler. I haven’t posted in a year and really only sporadically before that. Instead, it’s been a source of education, a stepping-off point, as various things have become important to me. I started following some Catholic accounts who posted thoughtful and/or educational content. I follow some nature accounts, one or two cooking accounts, a couple of Intuitive Eating RDs, and a solid diabetes RD account. And Bri McKoy, Emily P Freeman, and the Lazy Genius!
If I find myself down a rabbit hole, I’ve been able to catch it and stop, but only recently and only because I’ve added in prayer time with the Divine Office app after hearing Fr Mike talk about the Liturgy of the Hours the other day.
If someone is posting too often or making stories that are too long or I lose interest in their content, I either mute them for a bit or unfollow. Like others have said, it sometimes feels like a fake community and makes me realize I need to connect IRL.
I deleted FB probably 2 years ago now but did set up a locked down account (no one can find me) so i could participate in a few groups. I’m a casual user of those too.
I really appreciate this discussion about the wisdom of it all because it makes me consider the place IG has in my life and whether anything should change.
Yep, you're right! I thought about it after I leaving my long comment - one of my core values is learning. So I think I'll use that as a gentle nudge if I'm on it for very long - am I learning or is there something else I'd rather be doing right now?
Love this! I left IG a few years ago and my mental health improved greatly. I heard someone describe people’s Instagram posts as “technically true but not honest” and I thought it was a genius description.
Thanks for sharing about your experience withdrawing from Instagram. I've never had an Instagram account, but your practical list of how to leave a social media account is helpful if I decide to break away from Facebook someday. Though I don't have the FB app on my phone and I'm able to limit my time to a few minutes a day, I still think there are reasons it might be good to leave eventually. Taking a break for a season sounds like a good starting point. Appreciate your thoughtfulness and honesty as you've walked down the road of leaving Instagram.
I love this. I gave up FB for Lent about 5 years ago and never went back. And then the same thing happened with IG the next year. I gave it up and haven't looked back. Your statement about 'just living life' instead of looking for the 'grammable moment is so relatable and top of my list for benefits of why its good to be off. Funnily enough it was most my IRL friends and family who were the ones viewing my posts, so keeping in touch with them outside of social media was and is easy enough. It's now a conscious choice to text and reach out regularly to those I care about, and we're able to share the uncurated, unfiltered versions of what's going on and actually use text to set up video or in person conversations about the stuff that matters.
(Thanks for the tips on how to delete the account; I haven't actually done that due to the hassle. Easier to just ignore.)
This all resonates with me! I sometimes feel silly saying it, but I think deleting IG a couple years ago was one of the best decisions I ever made. One thing that helped me was the concept of Dunbar's number, which you have written about in the past. I remember feeling so flooded all the time, by everything, but also so drawn to IG for various reasons, one being the people I had actual relationships with, or even really cool virtual ones! But I think accepting the fact that it's really just human to only be able to handle a certain number of close relationships helped me let of of the pseudo-close ones (old friends that, as it turned out, I lost touch with after getting off IG and FB, and those really cool virtual ones as well.) Turns out, my life is really, really full, and I have more time and energy for the people in the closer circles without feeling the self-imposed pressure any longer to maintain relationships that just naturally die or go to sleep in the course of life. Anyway, as always, thanks for sharing!
Yes, yes, yes, Kristin! Dunbar's number basically hits at all of this: we are made for local. You're spot-on. And I don't think it's silly at all to say it was one of your best decisions — I 100% believe that.
I left social media in early ‘21 (which was meant to be permanent) but the worry about platform pulled me back. I left again for good early this year and I don’t miss it one single bit. My mental health was getting so bad. I have OCD, so Instagram triggered all of my compulsive checking behaviors. Now I’m focused on writing my new book, creating on Substack, and enjoying the renewed quiet in my mind. It’s delightful ❤️. Also, THANK YOU for the info about how to download your data and mass delete posts! Such a big help!
I'm so glad, Wendi! Sounds like such a wise choice for you. Well done.
May I ask why you would go to the trouble to delete past posts?
Feeling convicted to make a change soon, so I was curious!
I just wanted to make it a clean break and not have that digital paper trail online at all! It was my way of telling others + myself that I was serious about leaving, and not just *saying* I was leaving but really popping back on here and there. I suppose it's not essential, but doing so really does make it real.
Oh this was just what I needed to read Tsh! Thank you for your candor. I deleted both FB and IG last month. I find it staggering how much time and mental space it has freed up. I don't miss the platforms in the least.
Now I am becoming aware of a new habit: checking the news and other sites just to scratch that former itch, and it has been really eye-opening. Definitely a work in progress, but oh I have read some great books this month!
Oh yes, it's interesting how our default human response is to replace one habit with another. ...Which is a clear indicator we HAVE to develop good habits for any of this to work! This is why one helpful thing to do when deleting an addictive app is to always bring a paper book with you.
So, you are not on FB either I guess? I have been slowly stopping my posts on IG or FB --as it took so much time and agonizing over what to post in the way of pics and words, but love this post that re-thinks the time that's spent mindlessly scrolling...
I haven't been on Facebook since November 9, 2016... 😊
I had trouble with social media (Facebook) and the green-eyed monster, envy, too. And it made me very judgmental ("this person is Christian and is spending money on that!" went through my mind too many times). So I deleted Facebook and joined Instagram but only follow close family members and creators that I admire, most of them not particularly well-known, (writers, artists, place makers, and advocates for the natural world and the common good). That's helped enormously. I look at the postings, for the most part, with goodwill and good cheer.
I became a paid subscriber to read this and it was worth it 😅 you've convicted me Tsh! I've done plenty of months long cleanses and then come back on and it becomes as habitual and addictive as ever. I feel like I need to do a full delete or not at all. The halfway approaches just don't work for me.
I have two small children and I'm always harping on how I want a tech lite childhood for them... Shouldn't I be living by own convictions??
My only hesitations are the inevitable isolation I sometimes feel with a 2 year old and a 4 month old.. Instagram has always been a guaranteed dopamine hit. But I'm also growing more and more uncomfortable with having my kids out there as 'content ' (even when the urge to share their adorableness gets the better of me).
As someone who hopes to grow their podcast, continue writing, maybe even write a book, I'm also encouraged that it can be done without the social media stats everyone is chasing.
The point is we only get one life here. How much of it have I already given over to this silly phone app? Enough is enough!
Anyway. Thank you again Tsh for sharing!
"The point is we only get one life here. How much of it have I already given over to this silly phone app?" You summed it up well with this statement, Katie! I can't imagine any of us on our deathbeds thinking, "I wish I spent more time on my phone."
And welcome! Glad to have you here.
Thank you for sharing, Tsh. As a Gellenial (‘97 baby), I grew up without social media while also growing up with it. 🤪 My husband and I were just debating social media as I received this in my inbox (of course).
One question I have for you if you have the time: What do you think about the usage of social media for religious media, say WOF? I have major FOMO when it comes to discovering new *good* products/content on social media.
Do you mean a ministry's use of social media on their end? Or following ministries on social media, as consumers on our end?
Sorry, mostly the former, but a little bit of both. More clearly, in your opinion, is it just to have ministry on social media or would our culture be better off if ministry only used non-social media means? I would have to exclude YouTube here.
It's hard to say, and I've heard plenty of ministries really struggle with this decision. I see ministries use social media well — Word on Fire comes to mind — as a place of beauty in dark places. There's something to be said about the idea of going where the people are, and about social media being our modern-day town squares a la St. Paul in Athens. I'm torn on the issue, TBH.
I find myself in a similar place. Thanks, Tsh!
I loved reading this! I recently left social media as well and my brain feels so much calmer and I have less anxiety for sure.
It’s also made me more hospitable-I’m inviting people into my home more because I don’t have the “illusion” of connectedness anymore and understand that it takes actual real life effort to be truly connected and in relationship with someone.
That's a great benefit for sure, Angela! I 100% agree.
I got my first paid subscriber this last week and just rolled it over to your newsletter :) Thank you, thank you for this post. I took a break from IG in January and made the connection that the way I interact with and feel after using IG closely mirrors the hangover and insecurities caused by narcissistic abuse. The algorithm, the way it’s set up to be unpredictable and the ability to be erased or hidden, it’s all so consuming and then chews you up and spits you out....I wrote a post about it then, but went back on after my break. I do think it was the beginning of the end to name how destructive it felt. I have a lot of feelings about getting off. I told my husband last night that I felt that deleting it would force me to reckon with how lonely I actually often feel and the lack of IRL community. I’m doing my best to take note of the people for whom IG is my only point of connection and get a backup. I will probably still keep FB for now, just because it’s annoying and not as much of a draw. The final tipping point was listening to my husband’s truthful observations about how much it is impacting my mental health (and also thinking about how much my kids see me on my phone and how incapable I seem to be of moderation). I suppose all this is a long winded way to say thank you for the encouragement, especially in the writing realm.
You're so welcome, Annelise, and you're definitely not alone — IG made me feel infinitely lonelier than I feel now, it really affected my mental health, and yes, the slave of the algorithm... I could go on and on.
And I'm so honored to have you here! Best wishes on growing your own readership. Send us something of yours here in the comments for us to read. 😊
https://open.substack.com/pub/anneliseroberts/p/is-instagram-the-narcissist?r=17ws3w&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post
Thank you for that invitation! This was the post that marked the beginning of the end. I wrote it almost 6 months ago and it’s only gotten more true since.
Oh I so relate to this. I thought I needed IG to build an audience of readers because I’m an author. But honestly, my audience numbers haven’t grown much and I too often compare myself to the popular authors in my genre, which just makes me feel terribly insecure. So it is reassuring to read that you say you don’t need IG or Facebook to build your Substack audience?
I get this! The comparison game is SO real. Keeping my ears out of the noise really does help me just do my thing and not sweat what others are doing. IG really messed with my mind and creativity in this way.
I fasted from social media last year and this year during Lent (while reading Bitter and Sweet!) which led me to deleting Instagram completely this year. No regrets here whatsoever! And a huge plus is reading so much more, which is something I'll never regret.
Way to go, Lauren! That's awesome to hear.
I think I’m in the partial solution space for a while for IG. I abstained for Lent (not the first time of taking a break) and that was enough to show me how much it had been an unhealthy and obsessive time filler. I haven’t posted in a year and really only sporadically before that. Instead, it’s been a source of education, a stepping-off point, as various things have become important to me. I started following some Catholic accounts who posted thoughtful and/or educational content. I follow some nature accounts, one or two cooking accounts, a couple of Intuitive Eating RDs, and a solid diabetes RD account. And Bri McKoy, Emily P Freeman, and the Lazy Genius!
If I find myself down a rabbit hole, I’ve been able to catch it and stop, but only recently and only because I’ve added in prayer time with the Divine Office app after hearing Fr Mike talk about the Liturgy of the Hours the other day.
If someone is posting too often or making stories that are too long or I lose interest in their content, I either mute them for a bit or unfollow. Like others have said, it sometimes feels like a fake community and makes me realize I need to connect IRL.
I deleted FB probably 2 years ago now but did set up a locked down account (no one can find me) so i could participate in a few groups. I’m a casual user of those too.
I really appreciate this discussion about the wisdom of it all because it makes me consider the place IG has in my life and whether anything should change.
It sounds like you mostly use IG in the way I mostly use Twitter, Joan — for education. 😊
Yep, you're right! I thought about it after I leaving my long comment - one of my core values is learning. So I think I'll use that as a gentle nudge if I'm on it for very long - am I learning or is there something else I'd rather be doing right now?
Love this! I left IG a few years ago and my mental health improved greatly. I heard someone describe people’s Instagram posts as “technically true but not honest” and I thought it was a genius description.
Oof. Man, if that ain't the truth...
Thanks for sharing about your experience withdrawing from Instagram. I've never had an Instagram account, but your practical list of how to leave a social media account is helpful if I decide to break away from Facebook someday. Though I don't have the FB app on my phone and I'm able to limit my time to a few minutes a day, I still think there are reasons it might be good to leave eventually. Taking a break for a season sounds like a good starting point. Appreciate your thoughtfulness and honesty as you've walked down the road of leaving Instagram.
Thanks, Robyn!
I love this. I gave up FB for Lent about 5 years ago and never went back. And then the same thing happened with IG the next year. I gave it up and haven't looked back. Your statement about 'just living life' instead of looking for the 'grammable moment is so relatable and top of my list for benefits of why its good to be off. Funnily enough it was most my IRL friends and family who were the ones viewing my posts, so keeping in touch with them outside of social media was and is easy enough. It's now a conscious choice to text and reach out regularly to those I care about, and we're able to share the uncurated, unfiltered versions of what's going on and actually use text to set up video or in person conversations about the stuff that matters.
(Thanks for the tips on how to delete the account; I haven't actually done that due to the hassle. Easier to just ignore.)
Sure thing! And yes, non-IG methods of connecting are a much richer way to keep up with real friends and family, isn't it?
This all resonates with me! I sometimes feel silly saying it, but I think deleting IG a couple years ago was one of the best decisions I ever made. One thing that helped me was the concept of Dunbar's number, which you have written about in the past. I remember feeling so flooded all the time, by everything, but also so drawn to IG for various reasons, one being the people I had actual relationships with, or even really cool virtual ones! But I think accepting the fact that it's really just human to only be able to handle a certain number of close relationships helped me let of of the pseudo-close ones (old friends that, as it turned out, I lost touch with after getting off IG and FB, and those really cool virtual ones as well.) Turns out, my life is really, really full, and I have more time and energy for the people in the closer circles without feeling the self-imposed pressure any longer to maintain relationships that just naturally die or go to sleep in the course of life. Anyway, as always, thanks for sharing!
Yes, yes, yes, Kristin! Dunbar's number basically hits at all of this: we are made for local. You're spot-on. And I don't think it's silly at all to say it was one of your best decisions — I 100% believe that.