I went to a silent retreat where I was convicted, during confession, of my phone use. And then, the day after returning, I was arguing with a stranger on the Internet. So, UM, one thing I learned is how ingrained my habit of being on my phone and being “in the cultural conversation” is… and that it’s going to take more than one good reconciliation session to solve it.
If there’s anything I’ve learned since going to confession regularly (basically, since I became Catholic 3.5 years ago), it’s that I need to confess the same sins regularly. They have a way of holding on, don’t they?
Yes, being in “the conversation” really is ingrained in our culture right now in a strange way. I’m learning to prioritize being in conversation with my actual, physical neighbor… but it’s not easy.
Mm, yes for sure. And I also think that’s a sign of trauma or something deeper, some healing that needs to take place. Our priests are great about giving counsel and suggesting outside resources, which I’m so thankful for!
I think for me it’s because of my position as a writer. If I’m off the Internet I may miss a great hook for my next piece! Ugh.
I missed you too, and I agree with your reasons and outcome! I am past the oversea travel group age (78 and some dementia)so not as healthy as I would like to be. I am tackling that matter with regular weight lifting, cardio, and prayer/meditation. I missed you podcast too. Will your lawyer/author buddy (dementia proof...names escape me...be back too? You didn't mention your book project. I want to pre-order it when available. I have all your other books so I like it in advance. Something you don't know about me: 5 years ago I wanted to move to your neighborhood in old town Austin to be your neighbor. True! Even had a long distance realtor lined up. Ended up in AZ instead. So I won't be running into you in your neighborhood coffee shop or ice cream joint but I will enjoy your newsletter and podcast. I want to hear or read more about your religious conversion. Bye and welcome back!
I appreciate this little shove in the direction I know I need to head. I’m a little bummed our online selves will be passing like ships, but I’m at the, “should have taken a break a month ago phase” and need to keep writing, but not the kind that is for public consumption. I think what is most insidious is how the Internet creeps in as a handy distraction where I can talk around things without actually dealing with them in my real life. When the Internet is an outflow of real life it’s beneficial for everyone; when it’s a distraction from it then it props up bad habits. And it’s so hard to determine which is which sometimes. I almost have to play detective with my own life — looking for patterns of use instead of what I’m saying (which usually isn’t itself an issue).
I'm glad you're listening to your gut (and probably the Holy Spirit here), Annelise... it's such a good, necessary thing to go to our caves sometimes — not to be unproductive (as you say, to write but not the kind for public consumption)! May your inner time be a blessing. I'll be here whenever you're back (most likely)!
I want you to know that of all the submissions, adverts, howlers, and what-not that arrive in my 'in box', you are the very first one I noticed was missing!! Speaking as a true fan girl here, welcome back Tsh!
100% all this. I didn't take a full break from publishing this summer, but I stepped back to writing just a couple of posts - and now that I'm re-emerging, I have this clarified notion of the importance of looking at interactions online as being an ember...something to spark real-world action, though it can so easily masquerade as accomplishment.
In many ways, the web has silently become a space of self-definition for so many of us (a sobering, frightening thought), allowing us to stay in a space of intellectualism without actually refining our thoughts in our own circumstances. Almost like we're disembodying ourselves to try to define our identities. Online, I can easily build an echo chamber for myself: something I can't easily accomplish locally. I have to actually take my ideas, the things I've consumed or shared online, and test them against the variables of my particular time and place.
I really leaned into refining our liturgical ladies (& laddies) gatherings, and it's been so fruitful...so I've come out of the summer feeling a bit of a fire lit under me to use my art & writing as a point of departure for other folks - so they can take whatever inspiration & tools they find helpful, graft them into their own lives, and leave the rest.
It's easy to just *barely* scratch the itch of socialization and relationship online, and then forego the real hard work of living in this incarnational world!
As always, I think of Clive & uncle Screwtape:
"Think of your man as a series of concentric circles, his will being the innermost, his intellect coming next, and finally his fantasy. You can hardly hope, at once, to exclude from all the circles everything that smells of the Enemy: but you must keep on shoving all the virtues outward till they are finally located in the circle of fantasy, and all the desirable qualities inward into the Will. It is only in so far as they reach the will and are there embodied in habits that the virtues are really fatal to us."
Wonderful thoughts here, Kristin; thank you for sharing them. And yes, the internet really does turn us into gnostics: disembodied brains rattling around ideas and leaving them there... just as ideas. The step away from the internet truly does reset our reality: that we never were disembodied brains and that our bodies and souls are crying out for integration with our whole selves.
Welcome back! It sounds crazy but, your break helped me in many ways lean more into the summer season. There was not anything I was going to miss and that internet angst was a lot lower. I remember as a kid growing up when tv shows and many forms of entertainment took summer breaks. I found myself missing it and am now trying to replicate cultural seasons in our home with my kids. Everyone deserves a break..burn out is so bad for our bodies and relationships.
I'm excited that you're back, friend. This summer has been one of drawing closer to God, spending more time with my kids (they're all teens now, can you believe it?), and learning how to rest, even though I'm an Enneagram 3 and that's the only four-letter word I dislike. I also turned 40, yay! My age is finally catching up to the amount of gray hair I have. Jenni reached out last week about getting together again this week, so I'm going to go message her about that - thanks for the reminder. Sending love from Oregon. Miss your face.
So fun to hear from you, Nina! I do hope you and Jenni get to connect — I miss you guys. And yes, all my kids are teens as well... How are we at this stage?!
Glad to see you here! I started a full time job in the spring for the first time in 12 years, since I became a mum. It has been challenging in lots of ways but one of the fruits is the structure and the relationships. I have found that naturally I am online less and it has really helped my faith, prayer life and focus. For example, while following your links, I remembered I wasn’t even aware of the Olympics opening ceremony controversy because we didn’t see that part. And when I did learn of it, I sighed. But it didn’t affect my prayer life, religious community, parenting of my children, or really anything. Maybe it is because I’m a private person whose faith expression is solely within my local community and prayer life. I’m more interested in our food pantry, middle school youth group, and potential retreat at the local Benedictine monastery. I can see how reflecting on distortions of religion in popular culture may be someone’s job, or even something I do with my family when it comes up, but I find it can really distract me from living my life here and being focused on God Himself. While I will confront these issues as they arise in my community, I am so thankful I don’t have to keep up with all of that in the wider society.
Yes, I understand this, Jennifer. While religion *should* be public because that's what it is (the privatization of religion has caused much cultural and worldview shifting, and not in a good way), the public good it should serve really should be first within our local communities. If I'm theologizing online while neglecting the local needs of my neighborhood — well, then...
I helped a friend out a couple days this summer with her sheep and it left a profound effect on me. We tried shearing some lambs and I held a beautiful Finn lambs face in my hands to keep her still. I also walked barefoot in some ploughed fields.
Thank you for your encouragement to take an internet break. That's something I really want to do.
I missed you, Tsh! And clearly many others did, too. Apologies in advance for this long response but: I'm so glad to hear your voice as one of those folks who values humans and art and humans creating art as I've been a bit down about some folks' responses to AI lately (a friend recently said to my husband "We need to think about how to live in a post-writing world" in reference to AI, which made me feel sick and like I fell down an awful black hole of despair--but then realized "Tsh is back" and felt better, because hearing your voice on this always helps). :-) I'm so glad you had this break and that you shared about it. Your points on an internet break are well taken and I need to put some thought into how to do that when I don't really get a long break from work (which requires internet usage most days except the weekend). Surely there's a way but I'll just have to consider. In the meantime, I'd like to think more about how to visit and use Substack more mindfully and intentionally (I love it here and what I read and respond to feels edifying most of the time, but I also don't want to just be engaging in another social media feed situation so...how to work with that?) and how to listen to Podcasts more mindfully, too. What you said at the end of this piece about thinking about how different digital content makes you feel is key, I think. Anyway, thank you! Again: It's great to have you back!
Thank you for your kind words, Lisa! I hear you; I too can get dishearted when I hear well-intentioned friends just ...shrug off the onslaught of AI. When I'm over here internally screaming as I watch it invade our culture and slowly eat us from the inside out. I just keep holding on to the truth that hope is a virtue and we're commanded to it (and likewise, it's counter-vice, despair, is a sin).
And yes, I also agree that I'm reticent to Substack's ever-inching towards more of a social media feed with its notes. I'm admit to not really missing that, and I'm not really in the mood to jump back in.
Thank you so much for this lovely response, Tsh! You're right that one must (I must) hold on to hope as a virtue (my husband reminded me of many reasons to hope too). It's just nice to know I'm not the only one out there "internally screaming" (a very apt phrase). That in itself is cause for hope (I mean that in the best way). And I hope I didn't offend with my Substack "feed" concern. I'm with you in that reticence, though so much of the meaty content (like yours) is so worthwhile. So perhaps I just need to try to engage not as much on the app but more through direct posts and email. 🙂 Thanks for your thoughtful response and for reading my long post!
Hi! New reader here :) Maybe you covered it somewhere I haven't found yet, but what 'rules' did you set? Were you breaking from online writing only or all internet or somewhere in between? I love taking phone or email breaks but find myself wavering after too long. Thanks so much!
Hi Lauren! Each year it's different for me. Usually I take a month-long break entirely from the internet: no reading, no publishing. This summer I took a full three months off — June 1 to August 31 — from publishing on the internet. However, I also cut way, way, way, WAY back from reading as well (for instance, I never once ventured into Substack territory, and I'm not on any social media except X so I never went to those places, either). I did scroll some X during current events — the Olympics, for example, or during some of the political conventions. But I never commented and I didn't scroll much; just enough to get an idea of what people were saying.
Oh how I've missed me some real-time Tsh!
Hello! It’s good to be back.
I went to a silent retreat where I was convicted, during confession, of my phone use. And then, the day after returning, I was arguing with a stranger on the Internet. So, UM, one thing I learned is how ingrained my habit of being on my phone and being “in the cultural conversation” is… and that it’s going to take more than one good reconciliation session to solve it.
If there’s anything I’ve learned since going to confession regularly (basically, since I became Catholic 3.5 years ago), it’s that I need to confess the same sins regularly. They have a way of holding on, don’t they?
Yes, being in “the conversation” really is ingrained in our culture right now in a strange way. I’m learning to prioritize being in conversation with my actual, physical neighbor… but it’s not easy.
Mm, yes for sure. And I also think that’s a sign of trauma or something deeper, some healing that needs to take place. Our priests are great about giving counsel and suggesting outside resources, which I’m so thankful for!
I think for me it’s because of my position as a writer. If I’m off the Internet I may miss a great hook for my next piece! Ugh.
I missed you too, and I agree with your reasons and outcome! I am past the oversea travel group age (78 and some dementia)so not as healthy as I would like to be. I am tackling that matter with regular weight lifting, cardio, and prayer/meditation. I missed you podcast too. Will your lawyer/author buddy (dementia proof...names escape me...be back too? You didn't mention your book project. I want to pre-order it when available. I have all your other books so I like it in advance. Something you don't know about me: 5 years ago I wanted to move to your neighborhood in old town Austin to be your neighbor. True! Even had a long distance realtor lined up. Ended up in AZ instead. So I won't be running into you in your neighborhood coffee shop or ice cream joint but I will enjoy your newsletter and podcast. I want to hear or read more about your religious conversion. Bye and welcome back!
Hello! Thank you for reading so devotedly, and I'm glad to be back. Seth will indeed make an appearance on the podcast this season!
Seth! Thanks for reminding me
I appreciate this little shove in the direction I know I need to head. I’m a little bummed our online selves will be passing like ships, but I’m at the, “should have taken a break a month ago phase” and need to keep writing, but not the kind that is for public consumption. I think what is most insidious is how the Internet creeps in as a handy distraction where I can talk around things without actually dealing with them in my real life. When the Internet is an outflow of real life it’s beneficial for everyone; when it’s a distraction from it then it props up bad habits. And it’s so hard to determine which is which sometimes. I almost have to play detective with my own life — looking for patterns of use instead of what I’m saying (which usually isn’t itself an issue).
I'm glad you're listening to your gut (and probably the Holy Spirit here), Annelise... it's such a good, necessary thing to go to our caves sometimes — not to be unproductive (as you say, to write but not the kind for public consumption)! May your inner time be a blessing. I'll be here whenever you're back (most likely)!
Glad to read your letter today. Missed you.
Thank you — it's good to be back!
I want you to know that of all the submissions, adverts, howlers, and what-not that arrive in my 'in box', you are the very first one I noticed was missing!! Speaking as a true fan girl here, welcome back Tsh!
Thanks!
100% all this. I didn't take a full break from publishing this summer, but I stepped back to writing just a couple of posts - and now that I'm re-emerging, I have this clarified notion of the importance of looking at interactions online as being an ember...something to spark real-world action, though it can so easily masquerade as accomplishment.
In many ways, the web has silently become a space of self-definition for so many of us (a sobering, frightening thought), allowing us to stay in a space of intellectualism without actually refining our thoughts in our own circumstances. Almost like we're disembodying ourselves to try to define our identities. Online, I can easily build an echo chamber for myself: something I can't easily accomplish locally. I have to actually take my ideas, the things I've consumed or shared online, and test them against the variables of my particular time and place.
I really leaned into refining our liturgical ladies (& laddies) gatherings, and it's been so fruitful...so I've come out of the summer feeling a bit of a fire lit under me to use my art & writing as a point of departure for other folks - so they can take whatever inspiration & tools they find helpful, graft them into their own lives, and leave the rest.
It's easy to just *barely* scratch the itch of socialization and relationship online, and then forego the real hard work of living in this incarnational world!
As always, I think of Clive & uncle Screwtape:
"Think of your man as a series of concentric circles, his will being the innermost, his intellect coming next, and finally his fantasy. You can hardly hope, at once, to exclude from all the circles everything that smells of the Enemy: but you must keep on shoving all the virtues outward till they are finally located in the circle of fantasy, and all the desirable qualities inward into the Will. It is only in so far as they reach the will and are there embodied in habits that the virtues are really fatal to us."
Wonderful thoughts here, Kristin; thank you for sharing them. And yes, the internet really does turn us into gnostics: disembodied brains rattling around ideas and leaving them there... just as ideas. The step away from the internet truly does reset our reality: that we never were disembodied brains and that our bodies and souls are crying out for integration with our whole selves.
Glad you've had a fruitful summer!
Welcome back! It sounds crazy but, your break helped me in many ways lean more into the summer season. There was not anything I was going to miss and that internet angst was a lot lower. I remember as a kid growing up when tv shows and many forms of entertainment took summer breaks. I found myself missing it and am now trying to replicate cultural seasons in our home with my kids. Everyone deserves a break..burn out is so bad for our bodies and relationships.
I'm so glad to hear, Lacey! You're 100% right — there wasn't anything you weren't meant to miss this summer.
Thanks for sharing the wisdom of “taking a break”!!
You're welcome!
I missed you!
I'm glad to be back!
I'm excited that you're back, friend. This summer has been one of drawing closer to God, spending more time with my kids (they're all teens now, can you believe it?), and learning how to rest, even though I'm an Enneagram 3 and that's the only four-letter word I dislike. I also turned 40, yay! My age is finally catching up to the amount of gray hair I have. Jenni reached out last week about getting together again this week, so I'm going to go message her about that - thanks for the reminder. Sending love from Oregon. Miss your face.
So fun to hear from you, Nina! I do hope you and Jenni get to connect — I miss you guys. And yes, all my kids are teens as well... How are we at this stage?!
Glad to see you here! I started a full time job in the spring for the first time in 12 years, since I became a mum. It has been challenging in lots of ways but one of the fruits is the structure and the relationships. I have found that naturally I am online less and it has really helped my faith, prayer life and focus. For example, while following your links, I remembered I wasn’t even aware of the Olympics opening ceremony controversy because we didn’t see that part. And when I did learn of it, I sighed. But it didn’t affect my prayer life, religious community, parenting of my children, or really anything. Maybe it is because I’m a private person whose faith expression is solely within my local community and prayer life. I’m more interested in our food pantry, middle school youth group, and potential retreat at the local Benedictine monastery. I can see how reflecting on distortions of religion in popular culture may be someone’s job, or even something I do with my family when it comes up, but I find it can really distract me from living my life here and being focused on God Himself. While I will confront these issues as they arise in my community, I am so thankful I don’t have to keep up with all of that in the wider society.
Yes, I understand this, Jennifer. While religion *should* be public because that's what it is (the privatization of religion has caused much cultural and worldview shifting, and not in a good way), the public good it should serve really should be first within our local communities. If I'm theologizing online while neglecting the local needs of my neighborhood — well, then...
I helped a friend out a couple days this summer with her sheep and it left a profound effect on me. We tried shearing some lambs and I held a beautiful Finn lambs face in my hands to keep her still. I also walked barefoot in some ploughed fields.
Thank you for your encouragement to take an internet break. That's something I really want to do.
That all sounds like a dream, Mairi!
Welcome back.Ive been trying to stay off my phone a lot more recently. I have definitely enjoyed the break
Thanks!
I missed you, Tsh! And clearly many others did, too. Apologies in advance for this long response but: I'm so glad to hear your voice as one of those folks who values humans and art and humans creating art as I've been a bit down about some folks' responses to AI lately (a friend recently said to my husband "We need to think about how to live in a post-writing world" in reference to AI, which made me feel sick and like I fell down an awful black hole of despair--but then realized "Tsh is back" and felt better, because hearing your voice on this always helps). :-) I'm so glad you had this break and that you shared about it. Your points on an internet break are well taken and I need to put some thought into how to do that when I don't really get a long break from work (which requires internet usage most days except the weekend). Surely there's a way but I'll just have to consider. In the meantime, I'd like to think more about how to visit and use Substack more mindfully and intentionally (I love it here and what I read and respond to feels edifying most of the time, but I also don't want to just be engaging in another social media feed situation so...how to work with that?) and how to listen to Podcasts more mindfully, too. What you said at the end of this piece about thinking about how different digital content makes you feel is key, I think. Anyway, thank you! Again: It's great to have you back!
Thank you for your kind words, Lisa! I hear you; I too can get dishearted when I hear well-intentioned friends just ...shrug off the onslaught of AI. When I'm over here internally screaming as I watch it invade our culture and slowly eat us from the inside out. I just keep holding on to the truth that hope is a virtue and we're commanded to it (and likewise, it's counter-vice, despair, is a sin).
And yes, I also agree that I'm reticent to Substack's ever-inching towards more of a social media feed with its notes. I'm admit to not really missing that, and I'm not really in the mood to jump back in.
I'm glad to be back overall, though!
Thank you so much for this lovely response, Tsh! You're right that one must (I must) hold on to hope as a virtue (my husband reminded me of many reasons to hope too). It's just nice to know I'm not the only one out there "internally screaming" (a very apt phrase). That in itself is cause for hope (I mean that in the best way). And I hope I didn't offend with my Substack "feed" concern. I'm with you in that reticence, though so much of the meaty content (like yours) is so worthwhile. So perhaps I just need to try to engage not as much on the app but more through direct posts and email. 🙂 Thanks for your thoughtful response and for reading my long post!
Hi! New reader here :) Maybe you covered it somewhere I haven't found yet, but what 'rules' did you set? Were you breaking from online writing only or all internet or somewhere in between? I love taking phone or email breaks but find myself wavering after too long. Thanks so much!
Hi Lauren! Each year it's different for me. Usually I take a month-long break entirely from the internet: no reading, no publishing. This summer I took a full three months off — June 1 to August 31 — from publishing on the internet. However, I also cut way, way, way, WAY back from reading as well (for instance, I never once ventured into Substack territory, and I'm not on any social media except X so I never went to those places, either). I did scroll some X during current events — the Olympics, for example, or during some of the political conventions. But I never commented and I didn't scroll much; just enough to get an idea of what people were saying.