Dear Tate, Vol. 4
on soaking up short-lived seasons...
As a reminder to the readers:
Dear Tate,
This is the last letter I’ll write to you while you’re studying abroad... Goodness, this semester has flown by in some ways, but in other ways it seems like so much has changed, it’s hard to know where to begin. You’ve got two and a half weeks left there, and I want you to soak up every minute.
As you know, I’ve been sick the past few weeks, so a lot of my thoughts are mush at the moment... Even if I weren’t sick, though, I don’t think I’d have much more in the way of brilliant epiphanies for you — there’s something about this time of year that just screams “no more!” when it comes to deep thoughts. You’re taking Metaphysics and Theology of the Body; the last thing you need from your mom right now are philosophical musings on the sacramental act of traveling or in immersing oneself in another culture or on learning to love well. If you’re like me right now, you’re thinking about what novels you’re hoping to read by a body of water in a month’s time.
Because of the State of My Brain, I’m going with the ol’ standby when one’s disposition isn’t able to conjure up paragraphs of flowing coherence: a list. So, here you go: here’s a list of my final thoughts for you, a young twenty-something, living abroad in Europe for her last few weeks.
1. You think you’ll remember all the details — the feel of the forks there, the sound of the ground as it crunches beneath your feet, the aisle of miscellaneous sundries at the local store — and some of it you will. In fact, some of what you remember may be utterly unimportant, yet your mind will choose to hang onto it for some reason. But much of what you think you’ll remember, you won’t. Soak it all up right now — be fully present for the little things and how they feel, smell, taste, and sound.
2. You’ll miss certain people, so take time for them, even if you’re Generally Over It. It’s easy at the end of any semester to check out socially, but hang on and stay fully there with other people as best you can. With some of these folks, you won’t be living near them again. You’ll miss them.
3. Exchange contact info with some of those people, and then do your best to stay in touch this summer. Some relationships will organically fade away, and that’s okay — remember the Aristotelian hierarchy of friendships; some are there for seasons and that’s just how it is — but there might be one or two you need to hold on to. Don’t neglect those. Cultivating these friendships is worth the effort.
4. Spend some time with one or two of your favorite professors, even though there’s not much time left. You’ve told me about a few and they sound like delightful human beings; you’ll look back and wish you soaked up more of their wisdom when you were there in person with them. I get that it’s almost finals season, so time might be short, but even just a brief chat for nuggets of wisdom during office hours might be just the thing you tuck away in your pocket and take home with you as a delightful, unexpected souvenir.
5. Take photos of everyday life. I’ve loved seeing all the pics of you traveling to Poland, Czech Republic, Hungary, Greece, and Italy, but several months from now you’ll find yourself missing the walls of your campus, the courtyard, the views from the windows, and everyday life in the village there. Snap those photos while you’re there, even if you think they’re uninteresting — your future self will thank you.
6. While you can, take a few minutes to journal your thoughts about this semester (even though I know you’re about to be neck-deep in cramming for finals). Reflect on the surprises God has put on your doorstep, the unexpected life lessons, the highs and lows, and perhaps a list of little things specific to this semester abroad you’re grateful for. It’ll be something you’ll read years from now, and you’ll be surprised at the things God used this semester to form you more into who you are.
7. Enjoy the European baked goods for a few more weeks. ...I’ve been using Italian flour here at home for pizza dough and bread (and the boys haven’t noticed a difference), so maybe you’ll be able to stomach it here, who knows. But just in case — enjoy the digestibility of European carbs while you can.
8. Start preparing yourself for re-entry, but without pulling yourself away from being all there. As you know (because I’ve told you many times), re-entry is often rougher than culture shock, because you’re returning to familiar things yet you’ve changed — in ways you don’t yet know, and certainly in ways that other people here won’t expect. This is an inevitable part of extended time abroad, but as much as I wish it were avoidable, it’s part of what makes cross-cultural travel so great. It’ll get bumpy, and that’s normal.
9. Be fully present for your last quick trip to Italy next weekend, even though you’re road-weary. And get in as much gelato as humanely possible.
10. Finally: give yourself lots of grace for these next few weeks. Your body, mind, and soul are all processing this semester’s wind-down and your impending return in ways you don’t fully realize, and you therefore might respond to things in surprising ways. You might find yourself impatient about the silliest things, or perhaps weepy at really inconvenient moments. You might find yourself wanting to push off responsibilities, or the opposite — using those responsibilities as excuses for not making time for little pleasures. Regardless what happens in the next 18 days, give yourself plenty of room for being however you need to be.
...I know you’re ready to come home, and I’m eager to see you! I’m excited to hug you again, to feed you, to hear you wake up in the next room and get ready for your coffee shop shift, to see you planted in your spot on the couch with Ginny snuggled up next to you. All in good time.
In the meantime — enjoy Austria. You’ve got just a little time left, and you’ll look back on this as the most formative semester of your entire college experience. What a gift God has given you, as He gives with all sorts of pivotal seasons in life.
I look back on the season of you and your brothers as babies and toddlers, and I long for those days — something I never, ever thought I’d say. But it’s only after you live through seasons that you realize how short and life-giving those blips in life are, even though they’re also insanely hard and exhausting. You realize after the fact how formative they were to your whole person-ness, and if you’ve got the right posture, you’re both grateful for those days and bittersweet that they’re gone for good. I’m sure I’ll feel the same about these last few years of your brothers at home and you as a young single adult.
You might feel like you’re in a waiting room season right now — ready to be fully an adult and looking at the second half of college life, ready to get it over with already. I know you’re eager to be home, but I won’t be surprised if in a few weeks of being here you’ll be ready to be back on your own (as you well know, parents and siblings have a funny way of annoying the heck out of you when you’re a college student in-between semesters). It’s all expected.
But if there’s anything I’d tell past twenty-something me, it’s to be more fully present. Stop living so much with the future in mind. It’ll get here anyway, and you won’t ever get these days back. Good things are hopefully in store for you, and I’m excited about them! But in a few weeks, you’ll be in your old bedroom for the summer, taking classes and working. And right now, you’re wrapping up your semester abroad in Austria.
Be fully there in Austria for these last few weeks. You won’t regret it.
Love,
Mom